A/N: Okay, this was written while in IRC chat with girlflesh, lafemmedarla and niuserre. It has not been edited, and it is BAD ON PURPOSE. But it's funny. I've included some comments they made as I wrote, because they make it even funnier. Their comments are in italic.

Once upon a time, there was a vampire and a werewolf. The vampire sent her off to god knows where and said he'd come for her if he survived. Months and months passed and there was no sign of the vampire, very much not to the werewolf's surprise. Then one night, the werewolf was returning home with a bucket of chicken for her sister and niece, and out of the shadows walked the vampire.

"Angel, I can't believe you came!" the werewolf, Nina, exclaimed, dropping the bucket of chicken and throwing her arms around the vampire.

He smiled weakly. "Little bit surprised myself."

Nina then noticed that his face was bruised and bloody. She was willing to bet the rest of his body was too. "God, what happened to you?"

"I, uh... " he winced. "How's your sister?"

"She's fine. Angel, are you... did you come to stay? I mean... " Nina shook her head. She sounded so pathetic. It's not like she had been waiting for him. Not really. Okay, really, but not in a pathetic way. Though kind of.

He looked down. He didn't look her in the eyes. That unnerved her, but she shrugged it off. "Hey, um, you came all this way and we're standing on my lawn. Come in."

Angel nodded and followed her inside. (Sometime along the way, Nina had picked up the bucket of chicken which wasn't damaged. Somehow.)

Nina set the chicken on the table. Her sister, Jill stood in the doorway, Amanda at her side. "Nina. Who's this?" Jill said softly. "Are you going to be bringing strange men into the house, because we talked about this and you said -"

"Jill! It's okay. He's the one that gave us the tickets to come here."

Jill's eyes widened. "Angel? You're... bloodier than I expected."

"Yeah, well..." Angel said, but his words trailed off.

Nina cleared her throat uncomfortably. "He got into a fight."

Jill raised her eyebrow. Angel lit up a cigarette.

Nina turned to Angel, alarmed. "What are you doing? You don't smoke, and even if you do, you don't smoke in here."

"I do now," Angel said with a smirk. "I'm evil."

Nina's face fell. Oh no. "Who'd you sleep with?"

"What is going on here?" Jill asked, bewildered.

Angel flipped his ashes into the bucket of chicken. "Witness my evilosity. Fear it! For I am Angelus, fucker of Spike!"

"Spike? You had sex with a spike?" Jill asked. She seemed to notice Amanda, and placed her hands over her daughter's ears.

Angelus evilly blew his smoke in Jill's direction. "No, you idiot. Spike, the vampire. About yay tall, Ken Doll hair?"

"Wait a minute, you never told me you liked... Ken Doll hair..." Nina said her voice lowering along with her eyes.

"Big ole gay vampire, what can I say?" Angelus said with an evil shrug.

"You mean happy, right?" Jill asked.

"Oh, I'm full of giggly joy!" Angel announced, before evilly throwing his cigarette butt onto the carpet and stomping it out with his evil foot.

Nina pouted innocently. Because that's what she is. Innocent. While Angelus is obviously very evil. "You didn't go evil with me," Nina complained. "I mean, I did that thing you like with my tongue and - "

"NINA!" Jill exclaimed, pressing her hands against her daughter's ears even harder.

Angel placed his evil cigarettes on the table, next to the bucket of chicken. "This place is mine now." And with that he sat down on the couch, one hand in his waistband. "Nina! Get me a beer!"

"I don't care if you're evil," Nina said, innocently pouty-like, "you get your own beer."

"Nina, you're really making it hard for me to get my evil on!" Angel sighed. "Okay, that's it. I'm going to punish you!" He stood up, and dramatic music played in the background as he morphed into vampface.

As we come back from commercial, we see Nina scream. "Don't punish me! Oh god, not in front of Amanda!"

Angelus laughed evilly and began to shake his evil booty.

"Oh no!" Nina cried. "Please don't back that thang up!"

"Seems to me all of this could have been avoided if he didn't back that thang up to begin with," Jill said, leading Amanda from the room fearfully.

"Hey!" Angel said, stopping Jill in her tracks. "Spike backed his thang up, thank you very much. I was the thing-backing-up-ee, okay?"

"Sure, fine," Jill said with a shrug before leaving.

"Damn you!" Angelus exclaimed, shaking his evil fist. Then he turned back to Nina, and growled. Strangely, his growl sounded familiar. Almost like... no, he couldn't be...

"OH NINA! YOU CAME AND YOU GAVE WITHOUT TAKING! AND I SENT YOU AWAY! SO COME BE EVIL WITH ME, AND I'LL TEACH YOU HOW TO SMOKE EVILLY!" He lost the tune on the last bit. Not that he had it to start with.

Nina considered. She kind of did always want to know how to smoke evilly. And he was kind of sexy when evil, if you ignored the evil booty shaking.

And the evil singing.

"Okay, fine, but I need to be back tomorrow by noon, I have a class at the university." With that, Nina exposed her neck and waited for Angel to bite her.

And waited. And waited.

"Angel? Come on!"

"What? Oh, sorry!" Angel had been chewing on a piece of chicken. He dropped it back into the bucket (evilly) and then bit Nina. Nina moaned. There was blatant vampiric eroticism, and then we went to commercial again.

After some ads for tampons, we rejoin the scene. Except now, Nina is all vamped out. Instantly. Because Angelus is evil and he said so.

"Rawr, I'm an evil vampire," Nina said evilly. Angelus grinned kind of dorkily (but evilly) and handed her a cigarette.

"Smoke, baby..."

Nina lit it up, and began to smoke it very evilly. "I am an evil SMOKING vampire," Nina clarified, apparently losing her IQ along with her life.

They clasped hands and skipped off into the moonlight. They lived evilly ever after. Well, until Nina's class at noon.